Pathways of Wisdom: Harnessing the Power of the Tongue
Proverbs 15:1-33
- What did it mean to the original reader or original audience?
- Who would get the prize for best peace-making efforts in your family? Why did you select that person?
- What is your "Achilles' heel" that, when hit, will ignite your anger every time? What have you learned that might help you next time in turning away your wrath, as well as your opponent's?
#People = The Wise, The Fool, The Righteous, The Wicked, The Lord, The Sorrowful
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#Obedient faith =
#Sin =
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15 A soft answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
2 The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,
but the mouths of fools pour out folly.
3 The eyes of the Lord are in every place,
keeping watch on the evil and the good.
4 A gentle[a] tongue is a tree of life,
but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
5 A fool despises his father's instruction,
but whoever heeds reproof is prudent.
6 In the house of the righteous there is much treasure,
but trouble befalls the income of the wicked.
7 The lips of the wise spread knowledge;
not so the hearts of fools.[b]
8 The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord,
but the prayer of the upright is acceptable to him.
9 The way of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord,
but he loves him who pursues righteousness.
10 There is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way;
whoever hates reproof will die.
11 Sheol and Abaddon lie open before the Lord;
how much more the hearts of the children of man!
12 A scoffer does not like to be reproved;
he will not go to the wise.
13 A glad heart makes a cheerful face,
but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.
14 The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge,
but the mouths of fools feed on folly.
15 All the days of the afflicted are evil,
but the cheerful of heart has a continual feast.
16 Better is a little with the fear of the Lord
than great treasure and trouble with it.
17 Better is a dinner of herbs where love is
than a fattened ox and hatred with it.
18 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,
but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
19 The way of a sluggard is like a hedge of thorns,
but the path of the upright is a level highway.
20 A wise son makes a glad father,
but a foolish man despises his mother.
21 Folly is a joy to him who lacks sense,
but a man of understanding walks straight ahead.
22 Without counsel plans fail,
but with many advisers they succeed.
23 To make an apt answer is a joy to a man,
and a word in season, how good it is!
24 The path of life leads upward for the prudent,
that he may turn away from Sheol beneath.
25 The Lord tears down the house of the proud
but maintains the widow's boundaries.
26 The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord,
but gracious words are pure.
27 Whoever is greedy for unjust gain troubles his own household,
but he who hates bribes will live.
28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer,
but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.
29 The Lord is far from the wicked,
but he hears the prayer of the righteous.
30 The light of the eyes rejoices the heart,
and good news refreshes[c] the bones.
31 The ear that listens to life-giving reproof
will dwell among the wise.
32 Whoever ignores instruction despises himself,
but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.
33 The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom,
and humility comes before honor.
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
2 The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,
but the mouths of fools pour out folly.
3 The eyes of the Lord are in every place,
keeping watch on the evil and the good.
4 A gentle[a] tongue is a tree of life,
but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
5 A fool despises his father's instruction,
but whoever heeds reproof is prudent.
6 In the house of the righteous there is much treasure,
but trouble befalls the income of the wicked.
7 The lips of the wise spread knowledge;
not so the hearts of fools.[b]
8 The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord,
but the prayer of the upright is acceptable to him.
9 The way of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord,
but he loves him who pursues righteousness.
10 There is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way;
whoever hates reproof will die.
11 Sheol and Abaddon lie open before the Lord;
how much more the hearts of the children of man!
12 A scoffer does not like to be reproved;
he will not go to the wise.
13 A glad heart makes a cheerful face,
but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.
14 The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge,
but the mouths of fools feed on folly.
15 All the days of the afflicted are evil,
but the cheerful of heart has a continual feast.
16 Better is a little with the fear of the Lord
than great treasure and trouble with it.
17 Better is a dinner of herbs where love is
than a fattened ox and hatred with it.
18 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,
but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
19 The way of a sluggard is like a hedge of thorns,
but the path of the upright is a level highway.
20 A wise son makes a glad father,
but a foolish man despises his mother.
21 Folly is a joy to him who lacks sense,
but a man of understanding walks straight ahead.
22 Without counsel plans fail,
but with many advisers they succeed.
23 To make an apt answer is a joy to a man,
and a word in season, how good it is!
24 The path of life leads upward for the prudent,
that he may turn away from Sheol beneath.
25 The Lord tears down the house of the proud
but maintains the widow's boundaries.
26 The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord,
but gracious words are pure.
27 Whoever is greedy for unjust gain troubles his own household,
but he who hates bribes will live.
28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer,
but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.
29 The Lord is far from the wicked,
but he hears the prayer of the righteous.
30 The light of the eyes rejoices the heart,
and good news refreshes[c] the bones.
31 The ear that listens to life-giving reproof
will dwell among the wise.
32 Whoever ignores instruction despises himself,
but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.
33 The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom,
and humility comes before honor.
(PROVERBS 15)
Wisdom instructs on the right emotions and the right way to live.
Use Words Wisely (15:1–7): “Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”
Remember What the Lord Loves (15:8–9): The prayers of the upright and those who pursue godliness.
Consider the Consequences (15:10–19): Abandoning the right path brings serious consequences.
Use Good Sense (15:20–29): The Lord is far from the wicked but close to the righteous.
- Look and Listen Well (15:30–33): A cheerful look brings joy to the heart.
- God is ... What do we learn about God in this passage?
- We are ... What do we learn about people in this passage?
- As a key is used to unlock the door to a house, what keywords unlock the meaning and main points of this chapter? What is the key to "joy"? To "success"? To "keeping peace"? To "healing hurts"? What keywords carry over from previous chapters? Which are unique to this chapter? Which seems to be a master key?
- "Talk is cheap." Would Solomon agree or disagree with that? Why do you think so? What value does he place on the tongue, lips, mouth, words?
- What do the "eyes of the Lord" symbolize (v. 3; see 2 Ch 16:9)? What does he see (vv. 8,9,11)?
- What does the Lord "detest" about the wicked (vv. 8, 9, 26)? What is their sacrifice (see 21:3, 27): Pagan idolatry? Child-sacrificing? Insincerity? Malice? Ignorance? Injustice? Or what (see Ecc 5:1; Isa 1:11-15; Mic 6:7-8)?
- What is the interplay between the "heart" and the other aspects of the personality mentioned here (vv. 7, 11, 13-15, 28, 30)? Does what's on the inside come through to the outside (as in v. 13)? Or does seeing and putting on a cheerful face determine how the heart feels (as in v. 30)? Why do you think so?
- What is to be our response to correction or rebuke (vv. 5, 10, 12, 31, 32)? If we listen to it, what happens? If we don't, what happens? Do you believe it's that simple? Why or why not?
- If this chapter were a book for sale, which verse would be on the cover as a "come on" to persuade you to buy it? Why?
- In what sense is your "sacrifice" detestable? Could something as good as going to church and saying your prayers actually be offensive to God? How so? What does please the Lord?
- How does it make you feel to know God is always, everywhere "keeping watch" (v. 3): Uneasy? Naked? Relieved? Secure? Scared?
- Share a time when you rejected your parent's discipline or when your children spurned yours? What happened? What did you (or they) learn? In what sense do you (and your kids) relate to God as to your earthly father?
- What doors have you opened lately using the keys found here in proverbs? What doors remain shut? What keys seem not to work for you? Whose wrath seems "unturned," despite your "gentle answer"?
- Given your economic standard of living and family status, do verses 16-17 still present viable options today? Which option would you prefer and why?
- For whose heart can you show a cheerful face? Whose look are you trying to catch for your own heartfelt joy? Have you looked to the Lord to provide that elusive joy
- I will ... What has the Holy Spirit revealed to us in this passage? How can I apply it to my life this week?
- You can ... Who do you know who needs to hear this? Feel free to share with others by social media links at the bottom of this.
Key Topics in this chapter of Proverbs
- “A soft answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1).
- “The tongue of the wise utters knowledge aright” (Proverbs 15:2).
- “A gentle tongue is a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4).
- “The lips of the wise disperse knowledge” (Proverbs 15:7).
- “A man hath joy in the answer of his mouth; And a word in due season, how good is it!” (Proverbs 15:23).
- “Pleasant words are pure” (Proverbs 15:26).
- “The heart of the righteous studies to answer (Proverbs 15:28).
- “A grievous word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
- “The mouth of fools pours out folly” (Proverbs 15:2).
- “Perverseness therein is a breaking of the spirit” (Proverbs 15:4).
- “The mouth of fools feeds on folly” (Proverbs 15:14).
- “The mouth of the wicked pours out evil things” (Proverbs 15:28).
- “The tongue of the wise utters knowledge aright” (Proverbs 15:2).
- “He that regards reproof gets prudence” (Proverbs 15:5).
- “The lips of the wise disperse knowledge” (Proverbs 15:7).
- “The heart of him that hath understanding seeks knowledge” (Proverbs 15:14).
- “A wise son makes a glad father” (Proverbs 15:20).
- “A man of understanding makes straight his going” (Proverbs 15:21).
- “To the wise the way of life goes upward, That he may depart from Sheol beneath” (Proverbs 15:24).
- “The ear that hearkens to the reproof of life shall abide among the wise” (Proverbs 15:31).
- “The mouth of fools pours out folly” (Proverbs 15:2).
- “A fool despises his father’s correction” (Proverbs 15:5).
- “The heart of the foolish doeth not so” (Proverbs 15:7).
- “The mouth of fools feeds on folly” (Proverbs 15:14).
- “A foolish man despises his mother” (Proverbs 15:20).
- “Folly is a joy to him that is void of wisdom” (Proverbs 15:21).
- “In the house of the righteous is much treasure” (Proverbs 15:6).
- “The prayer of the upright is his delight” (Proverbs 15:8).
- “He loves him that follows after righteousness” (Proverbs 15:9).
- “The path of the upright is made a highway” (Proverbs 15:19).
- “The heart of the righteous studies to answer” (Proverbs 15:28).
- “He hears the prayer of the righteous” (Proverbs 15:29).
- “In the revenues of the wicked is trouble” (Proverbs 15:6).
- “The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to Jehovah” (Proverbs 15:8).
- “The way of the wicked is an abomination to Jehovah” (Proverbs 15:9).
- “There is grievous correction for him that forsakes the way” (Proverbs 15:10).
- “The mouth of the wicked pours out evil things” (Proverbs 15:28).
- “Jehovah is far from the wicked” (Proverbs 15:29).
- “The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to Jehovah” (Proverbs 15:8).
- “The way of the wicked is an abomination to Jehovah” (Proverbs 15:9).
- “Evil devices are an abomination to Jehovah” (Proverbs 15:26).
- “A fool despises his father’s correction” (Proverbs 15:5).
- “He that regards reproof gets prudence” (Proverbs 15:5).
- “There is grievous correction for him that forsakes the way” (Proverbs 15:10).
- “He that hates reproof shall die” (Proverbs 15:10).
- “A scoffer loves not to be reproved” (Proverbs 15:12).
- “The ear that hearkens to the reproof of life Shall abide among the wise” (Proverbs 15:31).
- “He that refuses correction despises his own soul” (Proverbs 15:32).
- “He that hearkens to reproof gets understanding” (Proverbs 15:32).
- Proverbs 3:30 Strive not with a man without cause, if he have done thee no harm.
- Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.
- Proverbs 13:10 Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.
- Proverbs 15:16 Better is little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and trouble therewith.
- Proverbs 15:18 A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.
- Proverbs 16:26 He that laboureth laboureth for himself;for his mouth craveth it of him.
- Proverbs 17:1 Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife.
- Proverbs 17:14 The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.
- Proverbs 17:19 He loveth transgression that loveth strife: and he that exalteth his gate seeketh destruction.
- Proverbs 18:6 A fool's lips enter into contention, and his mouth calleth for strokes.
- Proverbs 18:18 The lot causeth contentions to cease, and parteth between the mighty.
- Proverbs 18:19 A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.
- Proverbs 19:19 A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment: for if thou deliver him, yet thou must do it again.
- Proverbs 20:3 It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling.
- Proverbs 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
- Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
- Proverbs 22:10 Cast out the scorner, and contention shall go out; yea, strife and reproach shall cease.
- Proverbs 23:29 Who hath woe? who hath sorrow? who hath contentions? who hath babbling? who hath wounds without cause? who hath redness of eyes?
- Proverbs 25:8 Go not forth hastily to strive, lest thou know not what to do in the end thereof, when thy neighbour hath put thee to shame.
- Proverbs 26:17 He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.
- Proverbs 26:20 Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.
- Proverbs 26:21 As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife.
- Proverbs 27:15 A continual dropping in a very rainy dayand a contentious woman are alike. 16 Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of hisright hand, which bewrayeth itself.
- Proverbs 28:4 They that forsake the law praise the wicked: but such as keep the law contend with them.
- Proverbs 28:25 He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife: but he that putteth his trust in the LORD shall be made fat.
- Proverbs 29:9 If a wise man contendeth with a foolish man, whether he rage or laugh, there is no rest.
- Proverbs 29:22 An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.
- Proverbs 30:21 For three things the earth is disquieted, and for four which it cannot bear: 22 For a servant when he reigneth; and a fool when he is filled withmeat; 23 For an odious woman when she is married; and an handmaid that is heir to her mistress.
- Proverbs 30:33 Surely the churning of milk bringeth forth butter, and the wringing of the nose bringeth forth blood: so the forcing of wrath bringeth forth strife.
- Proverbs 3:9 Honour the LORD with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase:
- Proverbs 3:27 Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it. 28 Say not unto thy neighbor, Go, and come again,and tomorrow I will give; when thou hast it by thee.
- Proverbs 11:24 There is that scattereth, and yet increaseth; and there is that withholdeth more than is meet, but it tendeth to poverty.
- Proverbs 11:25 The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself.
- Proverbs 11:26 He that withholdeth corn, the people shall curse him: but blessing shall be upon the head of him that selleth it.
- Proverbs 15:27 He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house; but he that hateth gifts shall live.
- Proverbs 19:17 He that hath pity upon the poor lendeth unto the LORD; and that which he hath given will he pay him again.
- Proverbs 21:13 Whoso stoppeth his ears at the cry of the poor, he also shall cry himself, but shall not be heard.
- Proverbs 21:26 He coveteth greedily all the day long: but the righteous giveth and spareth not.
- Proverbs 22:9 He that hath a bountiful eye shall be blessed; for he giveth of his bread to the poor.
- Proverbs 28:8 He that by usury and unjust gain increaseth his substance, he shall gather it for him that will pity the poor.
- Proverbs 28:27 He that giveth unto the poor shall not lack: but he that hideth his eyes shall have many a curse.
- Proverbs 30:15 The horse leach hath two daughters, crying, Give, give. There are three things that are never satisfied, yea, four things say not, It is enough:
- Proverbs 30:16 The grave; and the barren womb; the earth that is not filled with water; and the fire that saith not, It is enough.
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4 Ways To Stop Anger In Its Tracks
Here are 4 ways you can try to stop anger before it gets you in trouble.
Stop and Think
I know this sounds incredibly hard or even impossible, but when you get angry at someone, “Stop, think, and reason.” Maybe they’re not saved. Maybe they’ve had something go seriously wrong in a relationship. Maybe they’re facing financial catastrophe. We don’t know why the person snapped at us, at least not all the time, but maybe we can give them the benefit of the doubt. When the Apostle Paul was writing about Christian love, he wrote that, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1st Cor 13:7), but what does Paul mean that love “believes all things?” I think he means that love gives people the benefit of the doubt, and it does not make assumptions, especially assuming the worst. It gives people room to be wrong. It allows people to be people, because we don’t know what’s going on in their lives. The next time someone snaps at you, don’t say anything, just stop and think before you speak.
What is Christ-like?
If you read one of my favorite chapters in the Bible, and that is Philippians 2, you’ll be humbled and see why we should never treat anyone with disrespect or anger (unless it is righteous anger). The Apostle Paul tells us what it means to be Christ-like, so ask yourself, how would Jesus react? What would He do? What would He say in this situation? Would He react the way that I do? What if He were standing next to you and watching this (and He is!)? Paul writes, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Phil 2:3-4), but what if someone’s yelling at you (or me)? If others are more significant that we are, at least in our eyes, we won’t revile when reviled. Jesus didn’t. Paul writes that even “though [Jesus] was in the form of God, [He] did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Phil 2:6-8). When we get angry, we’re not displaying humility. When we’re worried about ourselves, we’re not esteeming others better than ourselves.
Speak Softly
One thing I discovered from experience was that a harsh answer makes for a harsh response, and raising your voice tends to lead the other person to raise theirs, so Solomon knew what he was writing about by saying, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov 15:1). I’m sure you’ve found that to be true too, so one thing we can do when we start to feel anger swell up in us is to stop and think, think like Christ, and speak a soft answer. James wrote, “let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19), so if we are quick to hear and slow to speak, they might be slow to anger. All too often we’re quick to speak, slow to hear, and quick to anger. Speaking softly doesn’t escalate an argument like a loud voice does. After a while, it becomes a shouting match, and that never ends well.
Repeat the Phrase
In my 60+ years, I’ve had some very nasty things said to me, but rather than respond with something of my own (which would likely be bad), I repeat to them just what they said to me. When we repeat what someone’s said to us, they might realize (hopefully) just how harsh their words really were. I tried doing the same thing to my children when they were young, and this helps them process their anger by hearing what they said. They might not have even realized just how bad their anger is. It sounds odd, but it does act to diffuse the argument. Not always, but it does help to calm things down a bit. One thing that I hear a lot is “They never…” or “They always…” but rarely is anything always or never, so why not respond by repeating their statement, and then when they say, “Yes, that’s right,” you can say, “Okay, why do you feel that way,” which can help them open up as to why they’re feeling so angry or frustrated. Maybe they’re right! Maybe you (or I) did something that you (or I) shouldn’t have and they have a right to be angry. If so, be humble enough to tell them so. An apology can go a long, long way in calming everything down. They might even apologize for getting out of control. There is real power in softness. Again, Solomon writes, “With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone” (Prov 25:15). When you do choose to repeat what an angry person has said to you, do it softly and slowly so that they can take everything in, and hear exactly what they said to you. It might make them see that they’re overreacting, or at least, that they’ve said something that’s pretty harsh. That might lead to a softer response in the future of the conversation.
Conclusion
Water is one of the softest, most pliable things there is, yet in time, it can wear away huge boulders. Which is harder? Water or rocks? A rock of course, but the water wins in time, because the consistent soft action of the water wears down even the hardest of objects. Maybe it’s a lot like that with people too. Soft answers are always best in turning away anger, and in keeping our own anger in check.
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Restoring Relationships: Fix Problem, Not Blame
"A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper fire" (Proverbs 15:1 Msg).
The fifth biblical step toward restoring a relationship is to attack the problem, not the person. You cannot fix the problem if you're consumed with fixing the blame. You must choose between the two. The Bible says, "A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper fire" (Prov. 15:1 Msg).
You will never get your point across by being cross, so choose your words wisely. A soft answer is always better than a sarcastic one.
In resolving conflict, how you say it is as important as what you say. If you say it offensively, it will be received defensively. God tells us, "A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is" (Prov. 16:21 TEV).
Nagging never works. You are never persuasive when you're abrasive.
During the Cold War, both sides agreed that some weapons were so destructive they should never be used. For the sake of fellowship, you must destroy your arsenal of relational nuclear weapons, including condemning, belittling, comparing, labeling, insulting, condescending, and being sarcastic.
Paul sums it up this way: "Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you" (Eph. 4:29 TEV).
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